so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
