Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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