i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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