the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize