I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
