oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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