careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
