You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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