Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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