just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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