You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
