theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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