Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
