Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Apparently you make a good broom.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize