Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
