I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
