were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize