So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
