you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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