That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
