you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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