You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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