i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
