I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
