i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
