just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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