I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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