One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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