the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
