i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
