I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
