Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
