There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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