you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
