All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
