do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
