I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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