Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
