Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
