they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize