Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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