You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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