Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
