today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
