i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
