Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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