my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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