1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
