she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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