I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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