so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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