Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The air was thick with penises
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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