i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
