Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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