even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
