please come you make the beer taste better
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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