two words: eviction party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
