I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
