she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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