My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
