i barfeds in our rink
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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