Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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