You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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