Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
