My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
