Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
