I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
