Where is the hickey?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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