if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
